Delighted pupils celebrate a GCSE in brown envelope manufacture
Petersfield students have been celebrating another record year of GCSE success.
A staggering 230% of Market Town Big School pupils this summer left school with 10 A* grades.
"It sounds good but to be honest they're a piece of piss these days," admitted headteacher Jim Shorts.
"We usually start by getting pupils to take several subjects a year or two early, and then we up the percentage - and our place in the league tables - by getting the more able pupils to take the same ones again and again.
"To be honest the really poncey subjects like drama and dance can usually be passed in a lunch-break, and with the harder subjects of course the teachers can always finish off the coursework if it's not up to scratch.
"None of them actually know anything but the parents are happy and our place in the league table is assured."
A Government spokesman confirmed Gordon Brown was delighted with the school's statistics.