Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Residents prepare for 'big freeze'

Petersfield is expected to see a downfall of up to three inches of grit as residents panic in anticipation of a small snow flurry.

DIY stores, builders’ merchants and pet shops selling cat litter are expected to be gridlocked as panic-buying families stock up on products designed to prevent huge drives from freezing over.

Gary Gritter, East Hants District Council’s roads manager, said: “Things appear certain to get worse over the next 24 hours and we would urge people not to visit DIY stores, builders’ merchants or pet shops unless it is really necessary.

“Obviously those people with 4x4s will be OK as they can use the bull bars to knock everybody else out of the way.”

A spokesman for Waitrose, in Rams Walk, added: “Things are obviously pretty bad as we are running short of coarse rock salt, sun-dried tomatoes, caramelised onion houmous and smoked-salmon blinis – people are obviously expecting to be snowed in for days.

“We’re also running short of brussel sprouts, probably as a result of the rumoured gas shortage.”

However, the RAC’s I C Rhodes, suggested the panic-buying was unnecessary.

He said: “We have conducted many experiments on road surfaces down the years and while cat litter and salt may prove temporary adequate replacements for grit, there has never been any suggestion that houmous or smoked-salmon blinis prevent drives from freezing over.”

The official Meteorological Office forecast for Petersfield over the next 24 hours is: “A system of low-pressure whingeing will sweep in from the west, resulting in the market stall with gloves and hats selling out and lots of lazy buggers not bothering to get out of bed. This will be accompanied by a small flurry of snow, which would otherwise pass unnoticed by anybody living in Scotland.”

1 comment:

  1. This article had me in stitches. - What a brilliant sense of humour. :)